COVID-19 Vaccination: A Choice for Myself and Others
Author: Haley Stokas, Boost Oregon Volunteer
March 2020 rolled around, and things were looking good for me. I was looking forward to my first work trip to a microbiology conference and my best friend’s wedding at a fancy hotel in downtown Portland. But then COVID set in, first just scary news from China, easily ignored, then in Seattle, and suddenly both events were canceled. I remember feeling 24: brash and invincible, ready to keep living my life. Let the healthy youth circulate and build up some herd immunity, I thought. But then the case numbers spiked, and I heard about other seemingly healthy young people who died from the virus. In early quarantine, I was grateful to have a stable job in science at an institution that didn’t cut pay or doc hours when our ability to do our work was impacted by the pandemic. But I couldn’t help but think about my parents, in their early 60s, my mom unable to do her food service work or be paid, my dad already socially isolated and at serious risk for a respiratory illness. Things were getting scary.
The release of the mRNA vaccines was exciting to me. I grew up not really understanding, nor caring about vaccines. My parents vaccinated me with all the standard ones but opted not to accept the HPV series or annual flu shots. And I continued to decline my flu shot up until fall 2017. I was never really that concerned with getting the flu: again, sure that my healthy young body would fight it. But that year I learned about community immunity. I realized for the first time that vaccines aren’t really for me as much as they are for everyone. And so, I became a religious flu shot receiver and sought to receive my HPV vaccines. And with the crush of the COVID-19 pandemic, getting another poke (or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5…) was a no brainer. I’m also blessed to be educated in science, so the novel vaccine mechanism was more exciting than threatening to me. In explaining the concept of mRNA to my family I came up with an analogy: DNA is like a recipe, mRNA are the ingredients, and proteins are the cake. It’s all related, but chemically distinct. We can go from one to the next, but not back again. So, equipped with this knowledge, I forged ahead, got vaccinated early because of my job and paid it forward by volunteering at a large vaccination clinic. While volunteering as a vaccinator I heard so many touching stories and spoke with people who had been impacted by the pandemic in nearly every way imaginable. It was clear that everyone that showed up just wanted to experience life without fear.
Life without fear is something I think all of us have wrestled with over the last few years. When is it safe enough? At what point do we just get on with it? Isn’t it just a mild cold for most? For me, I chose to keep living cautiously. But that comes at a price. Your 20s are a time for social exploration and adventure. Or so they say. I’ve always been more reserved and risk averse, so this was never exactly how I planned to live my 20s. But it was always apparent that certain people thought I was boring or wasting my youth. And this feeling, this pressure to live like a 20-something “should,” has only grown heavier in this pandemic. But now this weight competes with the ever-increasing moral dilemma of letting myself live a little and endangering those less healthy than myself. This year, my partner’s mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. And observing her navigate this crushing diagnosis and difficult time, in a world that seems so dangerous to her, has been enlightening. Sometimes her infection fighting white blood cells are at such a low concentration in her system that she can’t even receive chemo treatment, no less enjoy a social engagement. So, when I hear talk about moving into an “endemic state,” my heart longs to feel normal in public again, but I worry at whose expense we will get there. Ever since the start of the pandemic I’ve heard that sentiment that it’s just the old and sick that are vulnerable. But I sure hope we all don’t forget that those people belong here too.
That’s why I continue to choose to burn my 20s with cautious behavior and small gatherings only. That’s why I choose to eagerly await another booster and vaccines that will more fully cover variants like delta and omicron. I truly believe that science and compassion will be what get us back to normal one day.
